So now I can't sleep. I hope you are happy, though I know you're not, I'm simply saying that because the modern social law dictates that I do so. Thanks to you I will once again stay up literally all night long and do nothing but write, play my guitar terribly and probably eventually cry. I guess eventually has lost it's meaning in my mind and now means "at this exact moment" because at this exact moment I am crying. I am sad. I am depressed. I feel like defacing my body with a blade over and over and never ever stop.
I want to so bad and the only thing holding me back is God. He keeps me on my feet when things get rough. The emotional turmoil inside of me keeping me from sleep is totally justified right now. How could you say those terrible things? She's not right! Jane. Jane, come back! I'm sorry I've fucked up, my past is returning. I can't stress this enough: "I have LONG feared that my sins would return to visit me. And the cost is more than I can bear." I can't pay for what is happening right now. All of this is taking such an emotional toll on me. A toll that I can't afford to pay. Simply because I have no more emotional value. I'm worth nothing, and this is trying to take more from me than what I have. I can't take it.
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