Black and White.

     My heart is beating fast and my hands are trembling as I pull you in closer. My eyes meet yours and I am lost in thought and beauty. I feel nothing but complete happiness as I share a quiet, relaxing moment with you. I am steady and I know where I am but I have misplaced my knowledge of breathing completely. I see you and I know you, my love. I'm right here with you and all I know is that within my arms I have my whole world. In this moment I ,unmistakably, want to leave this world for the meaning of it is unknown and fleeting quickly from my mind.

     Come with me and together we will find a new, more accurate meaning of everything we have once known. I have to be a ghost, a shadow of what I once was. I have to be a beacon to my former self of what I should become. I have to be what I want to be, or I will never be what I want to be. I have to develop a natural (or perhaps unnatural) acceptance for myself, because I am who I am, and whether or not I desire to accept that, I must. I truly believe that I will, in time, do so. It may take me a lot of time and I may require very large amounts of assistance, but I will get there.

     And I am writing this to remind myself of that! I am writing right now with positive intention in my heart and a definite understanding and knowledge of what I must do in these next few weeks. Months from now, I can't know what I'll be doing exactly, but I can assure that it will be good for me. These next couple of days will be no doubt spent working on myself, doing what I know I must do to make myself OK. OK at work, OK with my family and everywhere else I may venture off to.

I love you

    I love you. That much is certain. How much do I love you? I don't know. I'm still pretty unsure how I should go about measuring love. I'll just suffice it to say that I love you a lot. It's like I'm walking outside I look up and say, man, it's a beautiful day. You sigh and smile at me, look up at me and say, yes, yes it is. And this is the written narration of that perfect day and perfect moment in time.

     I'm waiting for an answer as to why your bright dreams can still penetrate the grey clouds above us all. Now the grey is just falling around you and we're all tongue-tied in awe. Now, I see your beauty and it is blinding. Thank you  for protecting me, now I won't let go. Every silence all around me, with me longing just beside you, is now screaming through the walls.

     If you give me your life, I swear you will never lose it. If you include me in your thoughts, I swear they won't control you. If you trust me with your love, I swear I will never let it go. You see, I need to be needed. I've never felt this way before, I was always just so empty. I didn't know it, but I need to be needed by you.