I love you

    I love you. That much is certain. How much do I love you? I don't know. I'm still pretty unsure how I should go about measuring love. I'll just suffice it to say that I love you a lot. It's like I'm walking outside I look up and say, man, it's a beautiful day. You sigh and smile at me, look up at me and say, yes, yes it is. And this is the written narration of that perfect day and perfect moment in time.

     I'm waiting for an answer as to why your bright dreams can still penetrate the grey clouds above us all. Now the grey is just falling around you and we're all tongue-tied in awe. Now, I see your beauty and it is blinding. Thank you  for protecting me, now I won't let go. Every silence all around me, with me longing just beside you, is now screaming through the walls.

     If you give me your life, I swear you will never lose it. If you include me in your thoughts, I swear they won't control you. If you trust me with your love, I swear I will never let it go. You see, I need to be needed. I've never felt this way before, I was always just so empty. I didn't know it, but I need to be needed by you.

Unfortunately, when I wrote this I did not account for the fact that I am a weak human being who is nothing without God. I don't need to be needed by anybody, I don't need anybody and I would be perfectly happy just being with Him.

     That's not to say by any stretch at all that I am beyond wanting people in my life. We are social beings, I believe, meant to have other people in our lives to, well, socialize with. It's just to say that I know that I don't have to put a person under the pressure of having to look after my emotional and mental well being. Now the next goal is to voice this finding to the one person, and eventually, all people that I happen to come into contact with.

     I am late, I believe for my long and disastrous appointment with her, however, I think that being late might be worth being prepared for. I lost her, when I lost myself and I lost myself when I thought that I was worth losing. I stopped caring for my well being, I stopped caring about what was important for me and what I knew I had to do in order to make my life OK. I failed myself, I truly did. I failed at being what I knew I was supposed to be.