My heart is beating fast and my hands are trembling as I pull you in closer. My eyes meet yours and I am lost in thought and beauty. I feel nothing but complete happiness as I share a quiet, relaxing moment with you. I am steady and I know where I am but I have misplaced my knowledge of breathing completely. I see you and I know you, my love. I'm right here with you and all I know is that within my arms I have my whole world. In this moment I ,unmistakably, want to leave this world for the meaning of it is unknown and fleeting quickly from my mind.
Come with me and together we will find a new, more accurate meaning of everything we have once known. I have to be a ghost, a shadow of what I once was. I have to be a beacon to my former self of what I should become. I have to be what I want to be, or I will never be what I want to be. I have to develop a natural (or perhaps unnatural) acceptance for myself, because I am who I am, and whether or not I desire to accept that, I must. I truly believe that I will, in time, do so. It may take me a lot of time and I may require very large amounts of assistance, but I will get there.
And I am writing this to remind myself of that! I am writing right now with positive intention in my heart and a definite understanding and knowledge of what I must do in these next few weeks. Months from now, I can't know what I'll be doing exactly, but I can assure that it will be good for me. These next couple of days will be no doubt spent working on myself, doing what I know I must do to make myself OK. OK at work, OK with my family and everywhere else I may venture off to.
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