Jane - warning.

I had a dream Jane. More of a nightmare really. One that occurred in my consciousnesses though. So, a daymare? I suppose that would suffice it. I was in that place, between sleep and said consciousness. I'm sure you've heard of it, I'll call it inter somnos, Latin for between slumber. Any way. Not too long ago while inter somnos, I was immediately forced to a complete and irreversible state of awareness. I sat on my bed, indian style with my back to my headboard and for a long time let the pain of my bad knees wash over me trying to vacate my mind of the aforementioned 'daymare'. I was thinking of the movie Shawshank Redemption and the scene where it's the day to be paired with the night in which Andy escapes and he makes Red promise him that he'll go to that place, find that rock and stuff. Anyway. He told him of how him and his wife made love under the tree. Immediately thoughts of you and I flashed into my memory and I couldn't breathe and I forced my mind to stop. I don't know how but I did. This is truly what torture is. Being reminded of something you can't have simply because someone else says no. Not only am I reminded of it, but I remind my own self of it. I do so even without the want to or the realization that I am doing so. Once again I ask you: what's in a name? For I, who is still called Frederik does not act like the good ol' Freddy everyone so much loved in the past. I have not been myself. I regret to inform you of such a truth. The fact is, though. That's the truth.