Comfortable silence

Help me, call a doctor. Put me inside. Put. Me. Inside.

I want to go inside. I want to be alone with just a pen and an endless supply of paper. I won't though simply because I can control myself just enough to not be legally insane. I love a few certain people and honestly I want to be with them but like Urma Thurman's character, Mia said in Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction " Why do we feel it's necessary to yack about bullshit, in order to feel comfortable? That's when you know you've found someone really special, when you can shut the fuck up for a minute and share a silence." Enough said on that subject.

Lately I've been dying to find someone with whom I can spend said comfortable silences with. I have found no one as of yet. I had a few candidates, but I can only think of one person and that person isn't here. That person is so much more than just not here. That person is straight up gone. That person is lost without me and with out a we, recently, I've been lost. I'm lost to people lost to hope. Lost to what's right and what I'm supposed to do in order for me to be, in your eyes, alright. I don't have enough elbow space, clear that, move that over there, what's that on the desk? a fucking piece of hair? Well, Freddy, you are a human, you do shed so just get focus up and get back on the topic. Where was I. Right. I'm not really lost. I'm just at a loss. I don't know WHAT I want to do. I've found the road to right, the road to want, the road to what I need and the road to what's indefinitely wrong. Which will I take though? Which will I end up on? Which will end up being my source of
pain, or comfort. Of love or hate. Of happiness or sorrow? Of you and me, or there's you and there's me.

     I think about that dream all the time. How she was just standing there and then it came up and tried to sink it's teeth in her throat. Then she was gone and her face fused with his and it's teeth we long and dark, like a day where clouds are gray and rainfall knows now bounds. It's out of bounds, against the rules, the way you look at me like that. What have I done to you? I don't owe you anything. You don't know me for anything yet you look at me like this land is free, well maybe this great country is, but this is my house, bitch put your eyes somewhere else.

That is all